Another, In Loving Memory of ..

Aunt - Rubiah bte Siragali who passed away yesterday, Friday, 27 Apr 07 @ 6.25 pm.

My schedule was kind of packed yesterday.
I went to work in the morning then went to Changi Women's Prison for a Community Involvement Project at 3pm then baking class at 7pm.

We just drove off from the carpark for my baking class when I received a call from mum to inform that Aunt Yayah has just passed away.

I did not cry .. I felt numb for a little while not knowing what I should do next.
So we decided, husband was to detour to fetch Auni then send her back home then we were supposed to go straight to the hospital.

So while hubby and I were on the way to the hospital, I called Faiz on his mobile but there was no answer. I thought hey he must be riding his bike on his way to the hospital.

Then suddenly I started to think again. He might be sleeping at home. I tried again his mobile and then home phone then he answered. My sense was right - he was indeed asleep. These were our conversation:

Faiz: Hello
Me: Faiz, are u asleep?
Faiz: Yah, im so lethargic.
Me: Faiz, mum has passed away.
Faiz: Kak Nani .. (pause) .. are you sure?
Me: Yah, I cant be joking!

I knew when he asked me whether I am sure .. it was not that he think I was joking but I know he was in disbelief!

So I fetched him first then we headed straight for the hospital. We saw Aunt Yayah and then settled the necessary documentations. Then claimed the body from the mortuary and then a casket company van was ready to sent Aunt Yayah back to another aunt's place.

Faiz ever asked me once "Kak Nani, have you ever heard Gramma saying that if possible she wants Mak to go first before her?? Reason being she doesnt want Mak to be a burden to other people."

Exactly 15 days after Gramma passed away, Aunt Yayah (Gramma's youngest daughter) passed away. Even though Gramma left this world first before Aunt Yayah, I could feel the strongest bond between the two of them that they left this world just weeks apart of each other.

I really wonder how Faiz is taking it or feeling it. He may not really think about it with family and friends around him just now but I am sure he will feel lost when he is alone. I could already visualise it .. he used to going back home with Gramma and Aunt Yayah around and now he would be going back to an empty home.

Gosh .. my heart goes out to him! Losing a father at the age of 5 then lost Gramma 2 weeks ago and now his mum!!! It will be painful for him!! It could be too much for him to handle.

Whatever it is, I know that I will be there for him. I promise myself that!

I have offered him to live at my place and I hope he will take that offer! I can't bear to see him "suffer" next!

Whatever it is .. semoga Allah mengampuni almarhumah dan memberi kesabaran kepada kami semua .. Amin.

It is 4.15 now .. I'll take a short nap .. need to be at my Aunt's place by 7 am.

PS - Dear readers, due to some circumstances, I havent been posting anything about food. My thousand apologies!

A Decision Was Made ..

We met the doctor yesterday morning and the doctor said what he had to say about Aunt Yayah's condition and gave his advice. One of the things he said was Aunt Yayah's brain was injured due to stopping of heartbeat the other day. So clinically with the brain injured and looking at all other ailments that Aunt Yayah was suffering from, doctor doesnt see Aunt Yayah to live long.

We asked the doctor alot of questions. One of it was (though it sounds stupid) "how long after we pull out the oxygen tube will the patient live for?" The doctor replied it could be minutes after, hours or even days. Well yeah, doctor's not Allah!

Faiz, aunt's son, decided to make a decision. I gave him my advice and reminded him not to be influenced by it. Even another cousin gave his thoughts. I knew it would be ultra hard for him .. this is his mother we are talking about and this is a matter of life and death.

He did not give his last say to me but he said we will just call relatives to visit mum and we did. I started calling close relatives over to see Aunt.

At about 4.30pm, he went in to see the doctor (w/o even my knowledge)and informed the doctor that he had decided to pull the oxygen tube that has been supporting his mum since last Thursday. It is not that Faiz wants to see his mum go, but he had done so because he did not want to see his mum suffer.

So relatives started to come and visit and at 5.30 pm the nurses took the oxygen tube out.

Aunt is still strong and she is still surviving when we left just now! Alhamdulillah!

Making Decision Has Never Been Easy ..

It is 3+ am .. I still couldnt sleep ..

I visited Aunt Yayah yesterday and was told by the nurse that the doc wanted to meet us ..

And so we were met by the doc on duty and he told us that the team doctor would like to see us later today ..

Mainly to ask us to make a decision on whether we want to pull out the oxygen supply and let her pass ..

I know from the start they do not see my Aunt to live long .. giving her the oxygen supply was only prolonging her life .. she's given 2 different kinds of medicine to help her bp level at a good level, else it'll dip .. she is not taking her milk feeds well (not digesting) .. she's still drowsy .. and "not responding" ..

Faiz, Aunt's son (the main decision maker) asked me "Kak Nani, what would your decision be if you were in my shoes?"

I couldnt answer ..

It is and going to be very hard to see 2 beloved persons go one after the other ..

I do not bear to see Aunt go but at the same time I do not bear to see Aunt suffer!

This is a very huge and difficult decision to make ..

Faiz, whatever ultimate decision you make, we are all behind to support you .. I promise you that!

Faiz, I'll see you later and see what Dr Kong has to say you .. I'll bring the list of questions that we have listed for the doc .. see you later ..

The Phone Call ..

My name is the alternate contact should the hospital needs to get in touch with regards to my Aunt.

I received a phone call yesterday morning to inform that Aunt Yayah's conditioned has worsened and oxygen level is very low. They are trying their level best in the ward and that they are getting the ICU doc to assess her.

Then they called again a while later to inform that they'll be transferring her to ICU.

I know then how critical her situation was.

I rushed down to the hospital and met the doctor .. he explained to me my aunt's condition and what they are doing to help her survive.

I left back for work after that then went back to the hospital after work.

That evening, the doc mentioned that they do not see Aunt to live long .. he mentioned to start preparing, to call relatives, etc ..

I stayed there till 1 am and left for home ..

At 3.26 am, I received an sms from Aunt's son, Faiz, to inform that doc called to inform that Aunt's heartbeat stopped for 15 mins but they managed to revive her.

I couldnt sleep after reading the message and I was back at the hospital at 7 am.

Met the senior doc in charge, Dr Kong and he mentioned, that Aunt is still very ill, and that Aunt's brain might be damaged due to stopping of heartbeat but it is still too early to tell.

The vigil continues ..

My Visit to the Hospital

Yesterday, I didnt just rest at home. I went to the hospital to visit Aunt Yayah .. she has been hospitalised for the past two weeks.

Aunt Yayah is Gramma's youngest daughter.

Just couldnt bear to see her there .. laying there on her hospital bed and not knowing that her mum has just passed away yesterday. I wished I could tell her but that wouldnt be a good idea so I just kept mum about it.

Most of the time I was there, Aunt Yayah is like in hallucination .. saying things like "kata nani nak bawakkan yayah mee siam (btw, nani is my pet name)", "yayah nak makan anggur", "yayah tak kenal siapa nani (when i asked her if she knows who i was)", she also called out for my sister's name "liza .. liza" etc etc ..

She is hospitalised for a lot of reasons .. she is very very ill .. from diabetes to failing kidney to failing liver to heart problem and she is only 51.

Doctor mentioned that chances of her surviving is slim.

I am really sad to hear that .. it would be hard for my cousin, Faiz. He has been staying with his mum and gramma almost all his life. We had just lost our gramma and now to lose his mum. It would be hard on him .. really, really hard. I could feel for him.

I hope ada hikmah di sebalik apa saja yang berlaku dan yang akan berlaku!

In Loving Memory of ..

Gramma - Salmah binte Moksin who passed away yesterday, Thursday, 12 Apr 07 @ 12.05 pm.

This week hasnt been a good one for me ..

Auni was down with fever, flu and cough since last Wednesday ..

Last Saturday, it was my turn .. down with migraine, fever and sore throat ..

Our trip to the doc cost us almost a hundred bucks ..

I was given two days off work on Monday and Tuesday to nurse my sickness .. and it sucks .. the migraine wouldnt go even tho I had taken my Naramig ..

Wed, it was back to work .. was still feeling weak and groggy but still I went ..

And when I went to fetch Tihani from mum's place after work, she too was down with fever .. sigh ..

Yesterday .. 12 Apr 07, I went to work in the morning .. then told my supervisor that I would like to take the afternoon off to rest .. then my cell fone rang at about 12.15 pm .. it was my mum .. and the message she relayed was .. "Gramma has passed away" ..

At that point, I felt even weaker .. my beloved grandma has gone .. and gone forever ..

My 2 regrets - due to lack of resources, I didnt get a maid to look after her as planned and the fact that she didnt get to come over to my place when she was still around .. i know she wanted to .. Gramma .. I am terribly sorry.

Today .. I didnt go to work .. decided to stay home to rest.
And today, I started to reminisce the past ..
There were just too many sweet memories I had with grandma ..
I was her soulmate when I was young .. slept over at her place almost every weekends .. went marketing together .. accompanied her where ever she went ..
Yadda, yadda, yadda .. I could go on .. but let me keep it to myself ..

Gramma .. semoga Allah mencucuri rahmatnya ke atas roh mu .. Ameen!

I've Been Tagged By ...

Lydia of My Kitchen ..

Kewl!! .. And she tagged me for "10 Things I Want for My Kitchen" ..

I've never really thought of things I want for my kitchen .. well thanks to Lydia .. she made me think and I really thought hard and these are the 10 things I want for my kitchen ..

1. a digital scale - i hate using the conventional scale .. coz i think they are kinda not accurate .. i gave mine to my mum .. i gave dat one away so i could get a digital one ..

2. a bread maker - i'm always so envious of peeps being able to make homemade breads.

3. an ice cream maker - so dat i could whip ice cream for my kids .. or rather whip ice cream for myself ..

4. a kitchenaid - oh yeah .. how i long for thee .. but then you are too expensive .. still need to save some more $$ to getcha ..

5. a little book shelf - so that i can start storing my cookbooks in them .. told ya .. i have like 2 boxes full of cookbooks but no shelf .. go figure ..

6. a set of WMF pots and pans - hmm .. hint hint to someone .. u still owe me this rite??

7. a smoothie maker - making yummy smoothie on a hot humid day .. ahh .. cooling ..

8. a waffle maker - if i have thee .. i'll make waffles for breakfast or after dinner .. waffles with ice cream .. scrumptious ..

9. a steamboat multi cooker + grill - well, i would love this so dat i could invite some good company to enjoy a good steamboat + grilling session ..

10. with all the things i want for my kitchen .. the last thing i also want is a BIG KITCHEN .. currently my kitchen is ultra small .. sigh ..

There you go .. 10 Things I Want for My Kitchen .. :-)